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FEATURES
The Stepmom Forecast
Cloudy with a Chance of Silver Linings
BY CYNTHIA L. COPELAND
From the unexpected Mother’s Day card
to the sweet and sleepy good-night phone call from across town, the rewards of
being a stepmother are many, though they often feel overshadowed by the monumental
challenges of the job.
No wonder. With no clear expectations, no widely accepted job description or
road map to follow, stepmothering can seem like a series of stutter steps and
stabs in the dark. In the first years, it may bring more heartache than happiness,
more frustration than fun. Studies have shown that of all of the members of a
stepfamily, stepmothers suffer from the highest level of stress. And we often
suffer silently in a culture where “real” mothers are revered and
stepmothers are viewed with a mix of suspicion and contempt, thanks to those
less-than-noble fairy-tale stepmothers we’ve absorbed into our collective
psyche.
But even though I’ve waded through difficult times with all three of my
stepsons, I have also been the recipient of unexpected hugs, heartwarming cards
and letters, and thoughtful gestures. And part of a stepmother’s job involves
moving quickly past the rough patches—the hurtful acts and words—and
lingering over the good moments. We learn to forgive and move on, for the sake
of our marriages and our own sanity, and we try to give our stepkids—who
are also treading through unknown territory—the benefit of the doubt.
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